October 16, 2022 #317

 

Dear Diary, I would like to clear my mind before tomorrow’s therapy session. 


Why am I going to do this?

To be ready to find a full time job. 

To ask tips from professional to cope my anxiety, and things I can do when I can’t think about my future positively at all. Show me the example options of my life. 


Btw I talked with one of student staff from the school I work at. She wanted to know what I am going to do next year which I have no idea at all. She is three months older than me. Well she said that. Basically we are same age. 

She said she is a negative person. She thinks she doesn’t have any friends actually. She overthinks about them. 

Well I got it. But I thought she copes it well enough. She is way positive than me I would judge. When she got cutting paper task to make Halloween decorations, she said full time staff always ask her only to do these kind of task and they must think she is very good at it. Well I know it’s not only her they ask to do that. And mmm paper craft task…
(She is going to work at famous very high class hotel since next spring. They hire her. She must cope her struggles well. And she can believe herself enough to live her life under pressure of work. )

I hate this kind of expectation to have. So I always avoid to think like this. So I don’t really believe what I can really good at or something. 
So I had no idea how to react to her. But I think she is lucky to naturally think like that without any doubt. 

I kinda believe that the patent firm I used to do part time job was just kept hire me because of their compassion. They kept hire me to save me feeling miserable because there are my classmates there too. I don’t know the truth tho… 

I told her I don’t have any idea what I can do when it comes to real job. She gave me examples of my positive side. Well… thank you tho… really.

She wondered what is my personality type based on 16 personalities test. Mine said INFP and hers was INFJ. 
Mmmm and…then?

I told that I am going to have a therapy session. She said it’s dangerous and they would make you more negative person. Well… I don’t know. 
But it’s good to hear that her mother survived her depression. 
She shared me her mother’s quotes “you need to stand by your own self otherwise you’re life is going to be controlled by them” 
Mmmmmm thanks very much tho
But I am very nervous about my first session after that :(
Would therapist mind control or something? To take all my money…? She believes like that. Well… I am sure that they are certified…so I guess I am safe…?
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