It’s not working


Yesterday was truly something… 

I was feeling pretty low and thinking about cutting and drinking and having a cigarette.

I left early and went home aaaannnddd… I gave in

Drank straight from the bottle, had 2 cigarettes and started cutting on my thigh. 

I’m scared I think

Cutting is not facing me anymore and I’m not really that scared to go a bit deeper and I actually found myself yesterday trying to go deeper.

I was trying to feel something but I didn’t feel anything :/

Back then right after cutting or maybe during cutting it would make me cry and it would help a bit but now? I don’t really cry I cut with no emotion. I keep trying to feel something but I don’t and I’m scared I won’t ever again.