Dear Diary, I am not in a energetic mood. Well I am not sure if normal people are always in such kind of mood tho. Anyways!
My family went to chestnut picking today. But I didn’t because I was worried about my stomach well tbh I am not good at joining a sudden plan.
So I was home alone all day watching Full House.
The weather wasn’t good enough but I went to walk anyways. Better than nothing.
I skip hair wash often lately. No yoga classes too. I know it’s okay to be like this sometimes but it feels not good because I was just started to be healthier.
I know why I feel like this. it’s because I had no work days for two weeks. Being responsible to something is a big motivation to live a life.
I finalized the reservation for a therapy session. But it’s next week’s Monday. Good thing is the counselor knows about job and mental health.
Well I think I can do yoga or ring fit adventure and eat as usual. So I can feel strong and healthy again. Ohh thank you so much for helping me healed.
During the walk I visited a library and actually read a book. It was an essay. The author said life is tough and sad but people nowadays are pretending it’s not. I don’t know but I found it sounds comfortable to me. It’s okay to say just living a life is still hard. It sounds like a positive giving up. Sounds like Buddhism. According to him, Christian thinks we are all sin and so that’s why we need to work. I don’t know if it’s true but that’s kinda same way of thinking. He wrote that people nowadays think crying is bad and shame. But historical figures were cried often.
It’s okay to cry.
Well I don’t have to because I don’t have reasons to cry. Hold it don’t think about it and create a reason for it.
I thought it’s good idea to go to library and read that book again tomorrow. Oh it’s closed tomorrow? I am sad!
Anyways the book was from 2013. I was 13 yo. And the author already found out how to deal with his loneliness or sadness due to LOH. He wrote he had a habit to be happy at least once a day. He noted about it too. One line a day. And the most part of his happy diary was about food, he actually wrote so. Especially cheap and delicious food he found. I felt warm and comfy to know that. It’s not matter what was the happy thing. Just be happy. It can be a little difficult to feel happy when you are just waiting yourself to feel it. Go and make yourself. That’s what “You need to be your own sun shine sometimes” means to suggest us. Thank you. I am kinda emotional tonight. But it was a good day because I read that book.
That book feels as if I got a close uncle. My parents are a lot different from me. So their “deep talk” doesn’t really hit my heart nice. Hehe…
When I feel sad about my struggle, they start talking to me assuming it is about more surface thing. Well I hadn’t really reached out them for help in that way. That’s why I love Full House…the girls can talk very honest to their guardians.