September 25, 2022

Dear Diary,

Aaj me tumse ye kahna chahta hun ki ab fir kabhi us se milna nahi chahta hun. 

I know, i know ki me milne chale jata hun us se sirf 2 baat use kahte hue dekhne.  Par yr, she doenst want it, all the while i kept thinking/hoping ki yr shayad kuchh badlega, but she has made decisions and so should i. Ye ek tarfa hi tha hamesha yr. Usne kabhi aage badhne ki koshish kari hi nahi he, jo mujhe laga tha vo bas mujhe laga hi tha. 

I know, you'd think ki bhai ye tu 25vi baar bol raha he mujhe ki ab nahi milunga =D. 

Magar, is baar sahi me lag raha he ki, Ab kuchh bacha nahi he yr kahne ko, batane ko. Agar use ab bhi nahi hua to ab kabhi nahi hoga. Sach kahun to mujhe ye lagta he ki me to uska acha dost bhi nahi, vo kahti he mujhe dost apna par me hun nahi shayad. 

Ab aisa lagta he ki bas dard hi to mil raha he is rishte me, khusiyan to bas kam hi he. aur maanta hun ki dard koi bura nahi he magar, ab is dard ka koi matlab bhi nahi he. Aur har roz ab ye... saha nahi jata yr. 

Par karun bhi to kya. Theek he nahi milnga us se, par is se meri zindagi badal to nahi jaegi, kal hi kisi aur se mulakat to nahi ho jaegi. 

Maanta hun, jindagi jadoo jaanti he, magar, dil har roz is baat se bahlta nahi he. 

Vo hansi, vo chehra, vo baaten, bhul to nahi sakta hun. Ab bas kisi tarah inhe, dil me achi yaaden banake rakhna hoga. 

Jarurat padegi kuchh buri baaton ki uski... Mushkil he magar karna padega. Use kuchh baaton ke liye bura banana padega. Kuchh baaoton se uski naraz bhi hona padega. Dil nahi maanta he lekin.... 

Samay ke sath sab bhulna padega, magar meri jindagi, koi dusra rasta bhi dikha yr, yahi khade khade picchla safar me yun hi bhul nahi sakta. mushkil he mushkil he, par sab karna padega. 

Ab aaj ke baad use milna nahi chahta. 

Goodnight ❤️

--panda--