September 16, 2022

Dear Diary,

Hi,

I dont know how to write. 
I just feel like i lost the tiny spec of respect i had for myself. I took up a job i do not believe in. I lost the tiny respect she had in me too. 

She said, i never really do what i say. I tried to tell her, that i tried other things, tried to find meaningful things, but i just didn't find it. I failed and i was tired. 

Now it all feels somewhat pointless, i don't need money and i wont have the same respect for myself, she wont have belief in me. I won't be a founder now. Not an entrepreneur. I am just that regular guy. I have become more mediocre now. 

---

To tell you the truth, i wasn't even happy when i got this offer, i was just more happy because, that evening, i met her and we talked. And even today, more than joining this job, it hurts me more, that she says, i don't do what i say. 

---

GODDDD, Everything feels pointless anyway. I do not have any real passion, I just couldn't find it in all these months. And maybe the meaningfulness is just the false wish, the story i am telling myself and everyone. 

---

I feel right now, i am so attached. With the world, with myself with her. 

Now i feel like running, away from everything, away from myself, away from her. 

Goodnight!

--panda--