[ENTRY 120..✍️]
Kaladin is so.. hot. God. When he was still in South Korea and we were just talking for the first two weeks, I literally had no inappropriate thoughts of him. At all. I mean, I recognized his attractiveness and his good physique but I just mostly enjoyed his company. Only then when he sent me a selfie of him sitting at a taco shop in the capital another sentiment from inside me grew, making my desire to meet him dwindle even more. In the photograph, the biceps of his arm was captured bulking out from underneath his t-shirt's sleeve as he held his phone out to take a picture of himself, and the way his tattoo was sticking out from the same sleeve on the very same manly arm—held a seduction strong enough to awaken my lustful desires and evoke curiosity upon the hidden mystery behind those cursed clothes he covered himself with. Not to mention that strong, wide, and lean neck of his only belonging to a man who obviously works out... Ugh.
In my head, we already had sex twice. But I don't think we'll meet. I don't know. I don't see it happening anymore. He hasn't messaged me back in three nights now and I don't know if he's made it to my city. He's probably not interested anymore and I'm too insecure now for it. I also wonder if he went out with some women from the capital or that he found someone to accompany him on his trips here who is equally as adventurous as him. That thought bothers me, sadly, but.. Oh well. It's not that I didn't consider it to be like this, anyway. But altogether, it just sucks that this turned out to be the shitty part of my prediction.
I actually met up with someone else last Friday afternoon, though, the same day I wrote the last entry. (It's Wednesday now.) I boldly asked the guy out with these exact words: "I'm bored. Let's go out. Hahahaha."
And so we did. I didn't have that many thoughts about him but I just really needed a warm-up to meet Kaladin, as I've mentioned last time. Besides, I truly was bored.
Our meeting place was in this mall I hadn't been to in ages and when I spotted him from the 2nd floor, I came up to him and said: "Is that you?"
"Heyyy!"—was his response as he came closer. We had a rather awkward greeting because we weren't sure what gesture to make but in the end, we settled with an awkward handshake that looked like a high-five. "You look pretty," he added as he made a quick and light pat on my head, seeming a little surprised. This somewhat pleased me because that meant my trick worked. I intentionally set-up mediocre nerdy pictures of myself on Bumble so when they'd see me in person, I'd look better. But he hadn't really seen my face because we were both wearing masks, so..
"Thank you. I like your style. Ooh, I love your earring!" I really did like his style and his dangling cross earring. He looked like he just stepped off from a vampire anime series because he was also wearing black.
When I was looking around in the store where I was messaging him before he came up to meet me, two small vases had caught my attention and I asked for his opinion which he liked better.
"This one, but it's chipped, so.." he said.
Huh. I didn't even notice.. But we actually had the same thought. I preferred that one, too, based on design but I just bought the other without the damage.
Unfortunately, our meet-up only lasted quickly because it turned out he had been anxious and uneasy when he was on the ground floor buying a cooking pot. His camera, which was quite expensive and which he would also always bring around with him, appeared to not be in his bag anymore. He was freaking out if it was either stolen or that he had just forgotten it in his apartment.
"Oh my God, go home," I told him when we were lining up for the counter, looking him sincerely in the eyes. I wouldn't be able to relax at all, if I were in his shoes, and he did really look troubled.
"I'm really, really sorry."
"It's fine. I just wanted to go out and I'm finally out, so, it's all good. You can go home, I swear. I don't want to keep you in that state you're in."
"Alright, but only after you've bought that."
So he stayed with me until it was my turn to purchase the vase and we just talked. I think he was cool but to be honest, guiltily, he wasn't my type. I could see him as a male bestfriend but someone I'd date.. nope. I honestly think he's quite cute and I love his colour (he's tanned) plus he's almost as tall as Kaladin so he still towers over me, but… uhh. He doesn't exactly have the manliness I'm looking for. His speech, his mannerisms… Also, after Erwin, I don't think I can date a skinny guy anymore. I don't know.. Maybe I'm still having a hangover from being with someone of a huge stature because it was just last year I was crazy in love with a lanky French.
We walked out of the mall together and we hugged each other goodbye when he had to cross the street. "Message me if you've found your camera, okay?" I told him.
"I will. Take care."
So that was it. He messaged me a few minutes before I arrived home and it turns out his camera was fine. And then he sent a selfie before he was going to have a work meeting. Would've been nice if we had dinner together or something to further my warm-up but of course, I completely understood his situation so that was fine. I don't think we'd see each other again, however. His last text on Sunday didn't demand a response so I haven't messaged him back since. I don't even care enough to set a name for him here.
Storm it. Kaladin's name is wasted. What if I meet another soldier whom I'd have a great time with? Lmao. Am I seriously upset because of the name.. But, for real. I really like Kaladin Stormblessed that's why. To be honest, this is what I look forward to now when new people come into my life. I'd get the pleasure of choosing what to call them in my journal. Haha.
Can I call the next soldier Kaladin again, though? I mean, if I ever meet another one, that is. Grr. Perhaps I'll use "Adolin" this time. Or "Aspen".
Anyway, I also met two other men from the same dating app whom I have been talking to frequently these days. A British guy and a German. Both of them combined still can't replace my tattooed American soldier but I have a feeling I'll get to hang out with the British dude soon—when I decide not to be lazy anymore—because he's in the city until the end of the month, so that should be fun (hopefully). The German dude is unfortunately still in Germany so that sucks because we get along really well. And I mean REALLY well. I am most comfortable with him. The other night when he and I called on Telegram, I was so sleepy that I accidentally called him "Kaladin" and I legit froze in bed...
Huhu.
KALADIN. WHERE ART THOU?!