Touchdown
[ENTRY 119..✍️]
"I finally cleared it through customs and got a simcard for my phone so I could send you a message. But, I made it." [2:25am]
I woke up at five and listened to the recording Kaladin sent me. He's finally landed. He's in the capital right now probably still sleeping in his hotel room.. My insecurities are threatening to come through the surface again to ruin the future moments I could have with this man by, well.. Being a coward and evading all sorts of opportunities to be with him despite my hopes of having fun and spending a good time together. It was so easy to say I wanted to meet him and all those wishful thinking when we had thousands of miles between us. But now that he's near... the confidence falters and in turn, affects my desire to see him.
Sigh. I've been thinking of going out with someone else to practice my social awkwardness again beforehand just to warm-up and relieve some of this anxiety. Honestly, me and my "trials and errors".
Can I be drunk when I meet him?
Ah. But it's only because I care. With Erwin, it was easy. I didn't give two shits about him when he asked me out for our first date so I didn't sweat myself out by overthinking things. But with Kaladin.. I really like him even though I know this is just going to be fleeting ..
Why do I do this? I say I like quiet and nerdy men yet I always end up with these chads who never fail to make me feel inferior.
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