August 10, 2022 (9Aug)

 

Dear Diary,

Time changes everything, sometimes its good but most of the time it hurts.


Hii diary,

I wanted to write about past 3 days, it was Sunday, I got to know that his parents have fixed meeting with Tumul, and its obvious I was disheartened, 2-3 days back he said me that when we know that nothing is gonna happen We have no future then what's the point of being there and moving on he is not like me saying no to people directly instead he is a typical business person thinking that here is no future so when he is getting a good proposal so he should try it but I will appreciate him for the thing that till yesterday he didn't contacted her although he had her number from June or before that I don't remember although how many times her family asked him to call her but he didn't instead I talked to many people in between although I said no but I talked to them with my consent. He said that I should be less judgemental and give people a fair chance so that I can know them.

I saw her pictures and I myself liked her and I feel he would have liked her too but there is a slight chance that she wouldn't like him maybe on the physical appearance rest all he is awesome.

Anyways so we had a long and good conversation that day maybe coz it was the last proper conversation we had as my parents were coming here next day and I wouldn't be able to talk to him properly. I could see in his eyes getting little emotional at times but him being him not letting the emotional side come out and for once I told him that don't give such expressions coz I have controlled my emotions very difficulty.

Although the day passed yesterday we had a small conversation. But today it was nil, I didn't texted him nor does he, ir was his voice which I was hearing whenever I woke up in the morning since months but I was different today, I feel bad at times but I have to accept this.


I am trying to rekindle my connection with people out there, I posted a story after removing all the privacy and 105+ people saw it but only 7 people responded to it, ofc the first one was Vishal Sharma, it would be rare if he wouldn't replied he always replies and he thanked me for making him into reading books, Swarnim replied, Mayank sir ofc I thought he will not but he did, and Shasnka Pandey too, I will call him he is like a younger brother.
And 3-4 people I don't want to mention.
I texted to one of my old friend too 

Weird thing about yesterday that I thought to accept a guy's interest but he was like Marry me please,be mine just after first conversation,  he asked same thing many times he sent so many hearts and so many promises and so many please please be mine marry me say yes or no, I said how can I say yes or no at this point without knowing you and I felt it was so immature and stupid of him to say such things, so I said no but still he texted me today.
Today it was a different morning as no gm calls but its okay, I have thought to not to think of all those things and I don't know for how long I am okay as I am fine coz I have people around me, my parents and mummy feeds me food but once they will go back what will I do Idk if my mental health is gonna turn worse or I will have anxiety or Idk.
Today I wasted money in getting mehandi which was definitely not worth of Rs 500, I should get it from somewhere else.
I feel that I am very unlucky as I never get what I like or what I want even though it is the smallest thing or may it be love or career wise or to get desired feild or to get desired college or to get some love, there is nothing good stored for me in my destiny. I know that as according to it I won't even have a good married life. But anyways I have to live this life.

Good night 


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