July 24, 2022
Dear Diary, you know what? My friends ask me,'why you're into horror movies so much?','don't you watch anything normal?'.
Well.
I really hate my reality sometimes. Being in reality sucks. I'm matured enough to accept the reality and live in. But sometimes, people just need some break. Where they just think nothing. Time, people, words, work........ nothing.... A place with peace. A place with silence. Emptiness. Solace.
And I found my peace in horror movies. I'll just think about ghosts , scary stuff. Instead of thinking about the things that hurt me. Being haunted is better than being in sorrowful mind. But watching those scary stuff has side effects too. I can't sleep. I'm scared. I'm getting nightmares. But it's better than crying all night. Wetting my pillow because of my tears.
I hate crying. Crying and getting things out from our heart is good. But I really hate because:
heart suddenly weighs so much. can't breathe.
nose blocks. Hands shaken so much. Literally tremble. Random chills. Never ending tears. Like it just comes. Can't control. Eyes easily become red. Really hard to breathe through nose. So letting in and out of air through mouth. The worst thing is I can't even shout. And I really hate that silence. And need to hide it. I'll just try to hold my hands from not shaking anymore. I hug my pillow. Thinking of someone. Not a person. Just a thought that someone who's there for me every night. An imagination? I'll just tell that person how I feel, in my worst nights. I don't know that face. I have never seen. I'll just let out everthing to that person. And I'll just sleep without knowing.
And I want to share something to you. Normally I put mrng alarms. And recently.. I woke up suddenly cause I had a nightmare. I'm in half sleep. I heard something... some words?! Like, wake me, wake me, wake me, wake me up... I'm not conscious enough to hear that clearly. I heard something. It disturbs my sleep. I thought. It's just my alarm. I wake up. And I gone to took my phone which is in charge. I switched off. 100% charged. But there's no alarm. No alarm popped up. I didn't notice the time. I just took my phone and just continued to sleep. And later I woke up in the morning. And just reassembled the things. 😬 I'm happy that I didn't panic that time. And I thought about why the hell I woke up. What nightmare woke me up..... Nightmare: I don't remember clearly. But what I got on my mind is: heavy rain , dark clouds , I'm in a terrace and something came up from the stairs. Dark....😬
And next night I slept. I'm not comfortable. Loading...