[ENTRY 108..✍️]
I was at a hotel in my parents' bedroom after resigning from the party outside which mostly consisted of my relatives. I wasn't alone in bed, Mathieu was with me. He was laying on his back whilst I had my body propped up with my elbows so we were face to face, me looking down at him. And I knew it was wrong as I thought of Erwin but I gave in to temptation and kissed my language partner. He kissed me back with such.. fervour, all the while worrying my parents would come in on us. I thought of locking the door but neither of us wanted to break the sexual momentum. And next thing I knew, he was on top of me. Our lips remained locked as our bodies danced together. We almost didn't notice when our very worries came in and caught us red-handed. It was a good thing he and I hadn't stripped any of each other's clothes off yet because my father wasn't very happy with what he witnessed. And I felt so guilty because Erwin..
Me: "The kiss was so weird, tbh."
Mathieu: "Why? 😂"
Me: "Because you were in a hurry 😂 Idk, it was just really weird. HAHAHA."
Mathieu: "Your boyfriend is OK with it? 😂"
Me: "He's not my boyfriend, but I did feel guilty in the dream. I was like—'this is wrong..'"
Mathieu: "Oh, OK! Ahaha! Good dream but no luck 😂"
Me: "Yeah, so random. LMAO."
Random, indeed. I haven't thought of Mathieu in such a way for a very long time now. Last time that came close to it was when I tried to imagine I was doing it with him when Erwin and I had sex for the first time, which, thinking about it now, was just plain crazy and weird because Erwin is a very attractive man and I'm so, so.. attracted to him at this point already. The dream is probably just because of my period. I'm horny as hell. So horny that I couldn't take it; I had to please myself despite all the blood. During such, in my head, Erwin and I are doing it in his car, in the pool, in the open air under a starry night where we're having a picnic..
God, I swear he turns me on so much now that most of my dirty thoughts are either filled with fantasized sex of us, or replays of our moments together behind closed doors—and never does any of it fail to make me wet.
Remember when I tried to imagine him as an anime character the same night I tried to picture out Mathieu, though? Lmfaooo. What was wrong with me 😂 .. But perhaps he imagined the same, too, because I saw his phone's wallpaper and it's a picture of an anime girl.
"Omg, your wallpaper's so cute!" I had said upon seeing it.
Haha. I miss him! Grr. I want to feel his member in my hand again so bad. Like that one time when he was sleeping and I was horny so I snaked my hand underneath his underwear and caught his fella and it was so soft and squishy and no longer than 15 seconds later, I sensed it hardening and growing within my grip...
Dear lord. That was extremely.. extremely hot. Stroking his person and feeling it come to life in its highest form with each motion of my little hand as he sleeps.. Fuck. Just thinking about it gives me the weirdest female boner. He didn't even give me time to go down on him whilst he was unconscious because the man woke up and climbed on top of me.
Ugh.
I crave him like crazy.