July 07, 2022

 

Hola my dear diary,


Today was a day of memories i can say. 

The day was usual and i studied a little, i solved problems in quantum computing, i am getting a little confident. After a long, I am playing with math and matrices. I think, it all just comes down to giving enough time to do something. If I am rushing toward the end, i will never enjoy the process. However, if I enjoy everything I do, I'll be happy at the end. 


And with quantum computing, it is a good journey till now, I went through different resources trying to understand the same concepts in different ways, each of the materials lacked something, which wasn't clear enough, but the more I read, the more understanding I am developing. I still don't know if in the end, I'll get any jobs or not without having any practical experience and there is a fear that I may forget everything i am learning eventually if I am not working on these things. But I think, for now, i must not think of the jobs, I am only beginning, and after all, I chose a different road than my comfort zone, so I must endure now. Feynman enjoyed everything he did. He didn't do things because he wanted to bring a change in society or anything, he did it all because he enjoyed it. That's all. 


Yeah, he had a job which kept him paying too, I think in a few months, I can figure that out as well. About that, the paying, the money part, lately everyone has been telling me that money is the most important thing and often people are unhappy because they don't have enough money. It creates a little fear in me. I can't help it. But then, that's what i keep telling myself, That I am not like everyone, I need a purpose more important than having money and being happy in life.


Anyway, The good part. 

In the evening, i went to the Lamakaan, to see a Persian movie by an Iranian director who has been banned to make movies. It was in Persian audio, with English subtitles. In the entire movie, there was just one scene of an evening before new year's eve, the little girl, her brother and the 500 tocan note and goldfish. There was no rise/dip in the movie. It was just a regular life scene on the same level throughout the movie. In the end, for a moment i couldn't understand what the director wanted to show. There was no morale, no happy/sad ending. 


Then we discussed and found howwww beautiful it was, the patience the girl had, the persistence, ideas, and the long waittt. And characters of everyone, how humble they were, even when they were all so frustrated. I think it takes an amazing next level of wit and imagination, human understanding and a heart full of emotions to make such a piece.


I think i could really connect with ruchi, what she felt in the movie. 


One more fun thing happened, i was little early to the movie and sitting in the front row, a girl came and asked has it been 20 minutes already, I said, no they are just checking the subtitles, she was cute. I said that and I smiled a little, she smiled really big, i smiled really big then 😄. It was good, like you are about to be friends with someone in an instant. Like I knew in an instant, I would enjoy talking to her. Then a guy came, sat beside her and they were talking and she said something about the place and how much she liked it, I could feel the same and I said, `same` to hikansh. So we did not talk further, but i am happy for the big smile. 


At home, pratik and dimple came, Sweety made Dabeli, very tasty. We played blind folds with navu. I played `Navu police & Arihant chor` game with Navu later. 


Here i am now, sitting on the door, looking at the plants in my balcony in the cold breeze,  listening to the sound of the leaves of the big tree. Thinking of her. 

I want to sit here beside her, but i want to sit without having any unsaid things sitting between us. where we both know who we are to each other. 


The feynman's book is coming to an end now. Just one more chapter. He lived his life fully,i can imagine now. Listening to his biography, I feel like teleported to his time and standing beside him watching him do all the things. What kept him going, why he did what he did, how he came up with the idea, how he remembered things. I think, i mean i know for sure, I'll never be as good as him, but I'll at least try to live the life freely and do things i enjoy doing as long as i can...



Sayonara!

❤️❤️❤️



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