Dear Diary, this might be important note for me
this app help me to be honest to myself and to find a grip to get back to my life path! And also other users who left thoughts and comments!
- I choose to be happy
- I can live a life that my gut tells me
- I can choose to do not worry
- I am not okay sometimes but when I be, I can ask for help
- I want to wake up and sleep in a clean tidy room
- I will avoid to buy cheap hair clips from doller shop (or other plastic things)
- I will finish my journal I just started days ago
- I could be more optimistically about life because I don’t need to be so worried that I get lost
- I can start to love myself no matter what; don’t compare with others to feel bad about myself, but see others’ respectable points as model or goal or even just “respectable point” only
- I want to fix my bad habit that I fake excuses
I thought last depressed period (2019 winter, 2020 summer to early 2022) would finally last forever this time. It was too long to wait. But I definitely went through my worst era.
And this time, it was the longest and the deepest and so very tough one though, I realized that I had been fake myself in so many point as I went though this.
I still don’t really know about myself but at least I know that I have tendency to seek external opinions I have in my mind. And I want to get rid of it and start to walk my own path.
I know that I am not perfect and I think it is okay and I can’t help it.
But I easily think I should have been perfect when someone tells me I do less than their expectation/ average.
I need to practice to accept. Simply accept that my current level doesn’t reach high enough and set the level as my goal to hit. I tend to add one more step to blame myself hard. It’s like… “Yes i am sorry, I am unintelligent to accomplish such a basic thing. I am weak and that’s who am I. I can’t help this. I feel so ashamed and my life is gonna be tragedy and I will soon be back to my depressed self etc… etc…” and spend some days like this.
I will take note and do my best to reach that.
Just accept it as my current level. “My” level. “My” competition. I might lack something compared to others but. But take it as my own competition. Comparing to others can be useful to measure where I am especially from others (society, school, company, same age group)
But that ruler could show things in cm when I want to see myself in inch.
So, Just focus on my own competition to myself.
Take that and set that as my next goal I seek, of course if I think it’s needed.
Well, i prefer self improvement instead of completion tho. I don’t like any competitions :p
I had to seek my own growth during my very depressed time period. There were no way to compare to others doing healthy. I was/am doing my best get well. So I could realized, I may say.
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