Dear Diary,
Things are going decent. It’s just my thoughts. I’m stuck in a toxic think pattern right now and while I enjoy my time and the things I do, I still have this feeling of wishing I would just disappear. I’m bipolar 2 and I’m in a mixed episode of depression and mania. I hate feeling things so intensely due to my BPD, as well. I just wish someone understood me. I know there are people who understand me, but I just wish I felt that and believed it. It’s not fair for my feelings to rely on someone else (my bf). I have a constant need for reassurance. I know I’m loved logically but my mind keeps telling me I will never be good enough. The only people I know that love me are my kids but I still don’t feel good enough for them. I want to be a better mom and a better employee and a better girlfriend. I just feel useless and worthless. Like nothing I do matters to people. I miss my mom. I feel like she was the only one who understood how I feel.