June 22, 2022


Dear Diary,

हम दीवानों की क्या हस्ती, आज यहाँ कल वहाँ चले

 मस्ती का आलम साथ चला, हम धूल उड़ाते जहाँ चले 

आए बनकर उल्लास कभी, आँसू बनकर बह चले 

अभी सब कहते ही रह गए, अरे तुम कैसे आए, कहाँ चले किस ओर चले? 

Hii, Dear diary, I am back in Raipur and 2 days have passed including today. Idk if I miss my home or not but I would definitely say that I have started hating this lonliness. 4 days in home passed like one day, I was quite tired too. As soon as I stepped out of the train I was so happy seeing the weather there. Although as I am back here I am liking the weather here too. Yesterday was okay but today it wasn't, whole day I was feeling  ____ Idk what but definitely not good and tomorrow is my exam and I have hardly studied for it, I will wake up early in the morning at 4o'clock I guess. Atleast I will try to, today someone made me feel bad about my scars it hardly matters to me  and I should say I find it cool that atleast I have something for life to remember good and bad but some of the chapters of my life but I am sad  seeing people's reactions, they find we well then suddenly these scars changes their mood and reactions, I find it funny at the same time as atleast these scars help me to know how the person actually thinks, their all so cool attitude vanishes in seconds 🤣 I feel sad thinking that are these scars so worthy that they overshadow everything, like my personality, how much I confident about many things, how I speak or behave or how I am as a person by nature. 
I feel that I am a good person, atleast a kind one and very honest and straight forward, transparent too .

I think seeing people's reactions that what will they do  if their spouse gets this kind of injuries after their marriage or anything,  do they will leave them just coz now they aren't 10/10? LOL

Everything doesn't seems good but I hope I will get some peace within myself someday which I am searching in others.. 

I am loving cooking these days maybe it's the weather or the emptiness makes me enjoy it, I am having a lot of carbs and calories these days, today itself I made Baadam ka halwa and had a big bowl of it.

Dil na umid toh nahi, nakaam hi toh hai,
Lambi hai gham ki shaam, magar shaam hi toh hai.

These lines of Faiz Ahmed Faiz keeps me going everytime...