Dear Diary,
As time goes on I worry more and more that we aren't meant for eachother.
Opposites attract but maybe we're too opposite? The way we go about things just aren't the same and often times neither of us want to fold to the others way of doing something. Often times I'm the one that gets blamed even though I wasn't in the wrong and I sort've learn to just take it and I'm sure she feels the same way for herself as both parties always feel in the right.
If she does something wrong, we might argue about it because when I try to explain what she did, or help her understand why it was wrong, she tells me I'm treating her bad because my tone changes after growing frustrated with her stubborness to just be open and understanding.I don't know how she can expect me to treat her like an innocent little angle after not only making this so much harder than it had to be but also is the only one that insults me for just trying to understand what to do next time we end up in the situation that the argument originated from.
Communcation is so important in relationships, when you're upset with someone you tell them, you tell them what they did, why it upset you, and then they acknowledge what they did, and not let it happen again or try their best to not let it happen. This isn't the infamous "logical" mindset that women talk about their partners having... this is the basic, general, obvious way things work.
Conflict --> Expression --> Discussion --> Resolution. I don't understand how this concept is hard to grasp. However if they'd like to have a different method of solving conflicts then thats fine given that it actually works and doesn't make things worse. In my particular experience tonight she wanted to try things different: She essentially said "bye" in a weird way, spammed a bunch of things and I said "erm ? okay" and then thats when she said " I'm not being nice until I see some more emotion". It wasn't neccessarily the best way to go about telling me what I did wrong but it was atleast a start. I was confused because looking through the texts I was just responding the same way i would've on any other day, whether it be a good or bad day my responses would've been the same because all she did was ask a couple questions (to which I responded yes and then no to) which is pretty typical. If someone asks a question, especially a yes or no question then 99% of the time a yes or no question is perfectly acceptable.
I know she works differently then I do and thats perfectly okay with me, thats sort've the whole point of this write however the subject of whats "reasonable" comes back into play. I understand the idea of going about something differently for her own preference but in tonights example what she did wasn't reasonable, it didn't help either of us, and the entire goal of the conversation was compromised because her way failed. As the conversation went on I had to break through wall after wall after wall to ultimately find out what I actually did to upset her and inbetween each of those walls was more pain for both of us, more aruging, and more sadness that becomes my fault because I had no choice. She's intentionally putting obstacles in my way and "expects" me to just jump over them and make her proud. The only alternative to causing all that was to simply just say "okay I'll think over it" but I already had, I looked through the texts and the thought "I should've expressed more happiness when I said yes to her question" I get the topic was somewhat important but if you ask me something and I say yes, aren't you the one expected to show happiness because you got what you asked for? I understand that the thing itself is overall good for both of us but if you're the one that asked for it from me then why am I the one in the wrong for not showing a noticeable level happiness from it... I said yes so thats your role.
Her definition of reasonable is quote "I was being as delicate as I could".
Being gentle doesn't make it reasonable. If you want me to essentially figure stuff out for myself despite its ineffciency then sure I can try, we can try that but if you can't be understanding of my failure then its not going to work. I'm am literally struggling to understand sometimes and if I try to do it my way then it somehow turns into me not willing to put in the effort to understand it myself.
She's said few times that If she doesn't meet my needs then I should go find someone who does. She does meet my needs though, she meets all of them, but like all relationships- bad also comes with the good. No realationships are pefect and if temporary communication issues is the biggest problem then I'm happy to stick around and see it through.