Dear Diary,
I took a test just a moment ago to see if I'm more of an Introvert or an Extrovert. Some of the results were so accurate that I wanted to cry.
One part of me is saying that I need help while the other part of me is saying I don't need any help and I'm comfortable with it.
Anyway, these were the results:
You feel that living alone is to live happily, and you prefer hiding in a crowd rather than standing out in one. You are perpetually tormented by the idea of doing things wrong, not understanding, or not being alert enough or intelligent enough to do what others expect of you [This sentence was too accurate]. You lack self-confidence and you seem to believe that others are better than you. While in a conversation, for example, you would be more likely to go along with the other’s points of view as you don’t fully respect your own opinions. Where there’s a low-level task to complete or a service to be allotted, it’s you who volunteers. When people want to get out of a task, they naturally come to you as they know that you never say ‘no’[This wasn't as accurate].
It’s not surprising that you sometimes have the impression of being permanently exploited, but you don’t really know how to break this vicious circle [not accurate]. On the rare occasions that you’ve tried to do so, this uncharacteristic defiance has caused uproar and you’ve ended up backing down [not accurate]. You are afraid of contact with others as you imagine that they are constantly judging you and that their probing looks will obviously find your faults [This is a fact about me]. So, you try to remain the most transparent and discreet possible. How far will you take this logic of self-denigration? Try and stop projecting onto others the bad image you have about yourself. Have a good look around you and you’ll see that they too have faults, weaknesses, and shortcomings, so stop finding excuses for everything [As much as I don't want to find an excuse for everything, I can't stop it. It's second nature to me]. Maybe you were brought up in an atmosphere of ‘You’ll never make the grade’ as a child — a poison that you need progressively to get out of your system [accurate]. Learn to look after your own interests — everyone else does, so why not you? You too have desires, dreams, and opinions — express them [I don't think I have those, or is this another excuse for myself?]. If you think that by saying no or thinking differently from others that you will no longer be loved, it just isn’t so. Others will learn to respect you because you respect yourself [😕].)
I am currently unemployed and I am looking for a job and need it. But I also don't want to work with anyone, so I am not looking as hard as I should. I don't know what I want to do in life, as a 21 soon to be 22yr old, and I'm just angry with myself. Bye.