#001

why is it so hard for me to feel my other feelings but can feel anger properly? honestly, i hate being angry because i get aggressive thoughts. i am not trying to be fucking trippy istG if someone says that one more time.. so yeah, i rlly despise myself when im angry because it rlly overflows like uhh how do i explain this, it's hard for me to control it BUT I AM ABLE TO CONTROL IT BUT IT ALWAYS FEELS LIKE IM HANGING OFF THE EDGE AND FEELS LIKE ANYTIME I WILL GO VIOLENT OR SAY HARSH THINGS IF A THING TRIGGERED ME, and this applies to everyone, yes even my family, i am the fucking worst haha (but don't misunderstand it, i never crossed the line when it comes to my family because as i said, i can control it somehow). another thing is when im angry and my family or friends are involved, i forget all the connections, memories and good things they did to me. I AM NOT BEING PROUD OF THIS, THIS IS HONESTLY THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN IM MAD. DON'T EVEN SAY "then stop thinking like that when u're mad" DON'T BE FUXKING STUPID OH GOD CAN'T U UNDERSTAND THAT I. CAN'T. STOP. DOING. THAT. WHEN I AM MAD. but yeah, im getting good at controlling my actions tho but still, my thoughts never change, they just get worst everytime i get mad.