Feelings Fade

How… I'm so overwhelmed right now. It literally was just yesterday I spoke of my love for Chace slowly fading away and just twenty minutes ago, I received a text from him while I was scrolling through the bodybuilder's instagram page. His number wasn't registered in my phone but he let me know it was him by saying the nickname I gave him…

I didn't know how to react right away but when I realized who it was, I was so… surprised. My mouth literally dropped open that I had to put the phone down to try to make sense of what was happening. Is the universe toying with me? Of all times he had to come back, it had to be now? Now that I was almost convinced he'd never appear in my life again and that he'd already found another girl occupying his mind just like how the bodybuilder has been doing to mine? Now that I almost gave up at the thought that he might probably be my soulmate, that I'd love him forever because I used to stare at his picture everyday but lately, I have been staring at another's? How could he disappear and then reappear just like that? What is he expecting to happen?

I HATE HIM!

I hate him because I can't figure out what I'm feeling. I hate him because moments after I registered what just happened, I cried.

I cried because he still remembers me.

I cried because I miss him so much.

I cried because I'm mad at him.

I cried because suddenly, all of my feelings for him came rushing right back like an unexpected giant wave in the ocean with the intention of drowning me.

But what surprised me the most is that I used to just imagine this and now, it's actually happening.. For some reason, I always knew he'd be back. It's a weird yet somehow strong feeling which led me to consider believing in soulmates in the first place because I've never felt this way to anyone before. It's like the connection between us never left.. Even though we haven't talked for so long, it allows us to communicate without even realising it.. Like some kind of telepathic mutual understanding... I don't know.

I don't know what to say to him right now so I'll hold off on my response later. I need to sleep.