Dear Diary, I found so much grey hairs on my left side. It's making me feel so sick. Of course I can't tell anybody about this because all they would say is: Grey hair looks good on men, its only a big deal for women. Everybody acts like all men turn into "sexy older men" when we get older. But I dont think most older men look good. Some do but that is a small minority. Acting like these things dont matter for men is just another way of telling us that we and our feelings dont matter. Nobody ever liked me and this certainly wont help.
I am turning uglier every day and people are saying I shouldnt worry about never having been in a relationship?! I wish the whole concept of genders would just disappear, all it does is harm people mentally.
I wish I could stop time like in some of these Doujins. Then I could live outside of these boundaries, never grow old and touch any girl I like. And once I'm satisfied I could just let it go again. I could also look for the one person in this world who would actually date me. Driving around the world, going into every house looking for her. I dont know what I would do if I found her. Just appear in her room? Meet her "randomly" like a Stalker? And then if she doesnt care about me, I could go to the next candidate without losing any time inbetween. I would need to learn how to ride a motorcycle, because the streets are going to be full of cars blocking the way for bigger vehicles. For flying to other continents I would let time flow again, not worth it to learn how to fly a plane or ride a boat. Although I am a bit afraid to ride a motorcyvle so maybe an E-Bike will suffice. Once I find her, she will know its me and we will live happily with the money I took from banks along the way.