Dear Diary,
What's going on.
I feel nervous, scared, speechless, and hopeless. I don't know, what i'll be able to do in life. I feel i am not good at anything, i dont have stories as much as people, i have no funny stories, i dont make anyyyy jokes, all the time, i just talk dead serious stuff. I hate myself at these points. Fuckkk it. Why my jokes are soooo bad.
I have never been into any relationship, i am not a good programmer, all my startups(Which technically i never started, i just tagged along) are just mediocre. I have no clue what i want to do going forward, i just think and do nothing. I am extremely slow and a deep pessimist.
I feel like isolating myself from everyone and just dont talk. Because there is practically nothing i can add value to.
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Its one of those days, when oncea gain i am feeling super low, i dont know why. There are some positive things to look at, but right now, i feel like the bad things are just tooo many. And bad is being mediocre at everything. I wish the night pass and i sleep and when i wake up, i wake up with a hope and a desire to live.
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I think i partially know, what triggered this.
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Human relationships are just complicated. I expect something and it doesn't happen like that, and i feel this low.
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Its not new, i have felt this before, and i know in morning i would forget all this, but seriously, i need to change myself, my behaviour, my approach, i cannot just live in my dreams forever, in life everyone is smart and more practical.
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I cant write anymore. Goodnight