Dear Diary,
"What is coming is better than what is gone."
I am hoping for this quote to come true.
Today, I just wasted the whole day. Although I was quite anxious in the evening later that story telling videos on YouTube really helped me to divert my mind. I told him that I want to end things completely after what his parents said that day, he said that what's the issue in talking, we can atleast. Replying to which I said that what's the point of talking if we know that we aren't going to get married as it's very difficult to sort out the differences our families will have in every other scenario and above that I don't want to ignore red flags as I think things will get worsen with Time instead of getting better, etc. He said that he will have a serious conversation with me tomorrow as he wasn't in that state that time as I can see he is still ill. I was sure about him in the starting period but later after one n half months I realized that I am little unsure about somethings like I never wanted a joint family, living with parents was okay but in a joint family and that so many people and secondly his super busy schedule like Monday to Friday office during the day time and restaurants in the Evening and on weekends restaurants and restaurants. He has no time. I haven't imagined such life ever. I want at least one day in a week just for me. Anyways, I am feeling bad and I am disheartened as I really like him but there is no war between mind and heart as both have accepted that things aren't gonna workout. I know my anxiety is due to this reason only. I was fearing this from the start but he only said that this time you will get what you want I will make it happen etc. But I know how unlucky I am in love and all or I should say I am an unlucky person, such a bad luck in everything. I want a long break to start fresh with some new person, it's gonna be very difficult but what to do. I hope for some serendipity to happen to me. I will try to sleep now. It may be the last conversation with Shikhar tomorrow as I have thought to completely cut off the ties.
Goodnight