Dear Diary, I late to sleep again. At the first place I assume that I read FB, looking IG, watched tik tok. But deep in my heart I still feel that's doesn't enough for me to have my beauty sleep.
Sometimes I want new social media that no one know me in there and no one can have look at me either on my profile or when I'm online. But there's no new social media that same like existing now. Every social media have their own different flatform and different way to communicate with others. If I create a new profile, the same people would find me and then try to add me as their friends. My friends already nice but I want different people that doesn't know who I am. It just like I'm the new residents in different town.
Actually I need someone to talk before I go to sleep. Someone that I can share my stories. And someone that can hear everything what I trying to say. But I don't have that person since my hubby work in the ship about 6month before leave.
I doesn't trust friend, because they will make a joke from what I'm telling them. My sibling?? Always shut their fucking mouth, cause if I sick, nobody would call or visit me. Asking there's enough medicine or everything.
Sometimes I feel there's thousand million people over the world or more than that. But because of scared to be friends again with the wrong person, I choose to remain silent and let the other do what they want. I let my world to be alone and doesn't allowed anyone to enter my world. Easy to start as friends but it hurts to end it. It seems like break up with your boyfriend.
I easy trust people but they always betrayed me. And furthermore they tried to take advantage on me. Try to get money from me. Try to make me as their cab.
Right now the one I trust is my husband. But I can't talk to him every night since not everytime he got quite a fast internet.
I always want a circle friends that I can share what book I read, what movie I watch, what things I buy. But right now they looked at me with jealousy. Maybe hate me. I don't wear a fancy things. I don't drive expensive car. I didn't own big house.
I hope that I would find more positive friends after this.