[ENTRY 84..✍️]
I just got home from my date with Cara Dean. And oh, by the way, Erwin and I finally had sex three nights ago (Thursday). Woohoo. It wasn't exceptional but I'm just glad I'm not a virgin anymore.
Cara: "Virgin for two years? 😂"
Damn right. Haha.
He can ghost me now.
Kidding. Not yet. I'm still trying to see if he has plans for tomorrow (freaking Valentine's Day). And if he does, I'm contemplating whether I should give him a card or something. But boy is he too huge for me! When we looked at ourselves in the mirror in the hotel room all naked—him behind me—it was like Tengen Uzui and his wives from "Demon Slayer". Uzui is more muscular, of course, and the wives have so much larger chests, but gah. It really turns me on. I'm so glad we finally had sex. I wanted more to be honest, but it doesn't feel right yet to unleash my appetite for coitus. Idk. I wish he pushed me against the wall but we just did missionary, doggy, face-to-face spooning, cowgirl and 69. The foreplay took really long at first (which I absolutely enjoyed) because I'm so tight. Hehe. I don't have a crush on him yet but I definitely want more sex.
Something I hate admitting...
When the lights were off, I tried to imagine him as Chace because like I said, even though the idea of us having sex fires me up, I don't like him yet ☹️ Not that Chace still turns me on, but.. Ah, I dunno why I always resort to him when I have to quickly think for an option. When I found it weird, I changed it to Mathieu (my language partner) but he's too muscular compared to Erwin. And then I tried to think of an anime character but I couldn't think of one because there's too many...
What the fuck is wrong with me. I think I have serious problems.
I came back on Bumble and changed my blurry-faced old picture to a much clearer and recent one. I have less enthusiasm to engage with others for now but hey, I might find someone who has the fire I'm looking for and who won't make me try to envision other people when we make love. I feel so bad, honestly. Erwin can be disappointed in me all he wants now for looking different in real life. Or who knows. Maybe he was imagining someone else too while he was inside me.
Anyway, to sum up this day, I had a great time with Cara. Although now, I'm so tempted to message Erwin "I'm horny" because I am.
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