Dear God, I feel me... Like. Starting the day too late. And don't know how to be changed. I feel me so guilty. That I can't even move.
I don't know what to do. And how to be alive. I feel very, very big pressure. Very big pressure.
Under which I am like. No-one. And nobody.
I see that M do not like what I do and how I move. I feel like she is totally not satisfied by my life. I feel like she doesn't understand me. And... Also.
God. I don't know. What to do. Honestly.
I feel absence of... Anything.
God, it's all what I feel.
I am very, very afraid.
I am very afraid. God, I am so afraid.
God, I don't know. Nothing. And don't know how to move.
God, I am afraid by so many quotations I have heard from the others. Being honest, I don't feel me successful. I don't feel me enough. After yesterday's sermons and seminars I feel me like a failer.
And I don't know how to change it. I am scary by my future. I am scary that You will not care for me. I am scary will not receive Mac. I am scary to be rejected. I am scary to be punished.
I have so many fears. And they like are under me.
Everything Inhave received from yesterday it is... Very big feeling of guiltiness... And. Now I have woman days.
And...
I feel me like I am not successful at all. And feel like. Under pressure of M yesterday I don't want to be changed at all. Honestly.
I have heard yesterday to moments how big pleasure to be awaked at the time I don't do now.
But.
I don't have enough motivation to do it.
I feel me like a jail.
And.
I feel me so frustrated.
Like... I don't know...
I feel very big quantity of guiltiness. Feeling like exist zero places. Moments. When I can move as the other people wants.
And... I understand that You will give me wisdom hownto solve.
But.
If You want to change me as You want.
I don't feel enough strength to do it.
I don't feel me valuable. I don't feel me loved. I don't feel me even ok to be normal person.
I was so judged yesterday. By so many people. And...
I don't know how to continue to live.
I tell You as it is...