Dear Diary,
Its been a while since I completely cut ties with Lois... but not that long. For me its been longer than it has for her because she was still holding on while I was done. It wasn't that long ago that she said all this stuff about how she was gonna do better and all that for me before I eventually cut ties completely.
Lois used my phone for many things since she didn't have one...
She used it to text her parents, to play games, and for the main topic of this section- she used it for social media such as Snapchat and Instagram.
Not long ago she changed her Snapchat password which I was made aware of because she tied her email to my phone but I still have full access to her Tumblr and Instagram. I knew this though I didn't think much of it and left it on my phone for a reason. I was curious what she'd do after we were completely done. Not because I wanted to know if I had made a mistake, to finally see she actually changed and go back to her, but to know if everything she told me about changing and becoming a better person was true or a lie whether I stuck around or left.
After sometime passed I started getting notifications on my phone one day and not to my surprise it was a conversation she started with one of her ex's. She got access to a laptop for communication purposes with her parents and one of the first things she does is start reaching out to her ex's. A couple days later, specifically today she was walking ahead of me to a class and I noticed Mac walked up next to her and they had a word before splitting ways. This got me thinking, "How many ex's is she talking to already?". Later that day I checked her Tumblr and saw her and Mac texting, funny enough they were texting in that moment that I was scrolling through the lines of flirting, and meeting each other in the morning before school, and all the same stuff just like it was when I found out she was cheating on me back then.
The crazy thing- well not really crazing considering its her, this isn't even the first guy she's gone after since the initial split.
There was a guy named Nate, they were friends back when we were still waiting for her to straighten out and get her shit together before school ended. So literally like a week before I said we were never gonna happen she was rambling about how she lost a friend and said it was because he asked her out. She said that he said she was showing "mixed signals". However even from my side it was pretty apparent why he thought that and I don't blame him. She had said something about him taking her for fast food and then to a pet store to see the animals. She told me this as a self proclaimed dedicated to "bettering herself for me person" like I wouldn't mind as an assumed future significant other that she was going out and spending time with some guy.
She said that she rejected him with reason "I like someone else", then a day or two ago after reading her new texts with one of her ex's she told him that Nate rejected her because he caught feelings for some other chick.
It doesn't hurt that she's doing all this. I'm done with her for good and I don't care what she does or who its with anymore. It's just disappointing that all my lecturing went to waste and really shows how much time I wasted.
One of the last things I was saying to her during the breakup was lecturing her about how she's a red flag, how she can't be loyal, and how immature she is. Everything she says is lies.
If you saw text evidence of what she was doing and then accuse her of it, she'll deny it every time until you shove the screenshots in her face and even then she'll make up some excuse about how it isn't what it seems or some other unrealistic reason.
I want to rid her of my heart and mind. The heart is already done with, I don't feel that way for her anymore but for the mind part the damage is still there. So after tonight I'm removing all connections with her on my phone as well. I don't want any access to any part of her life. I wish I could rid my mind of her existence.
I don't understand the reoccurring trend with dating girls that cheat on me. Every single girlfriend so far has cheated on me at least once if not several times. Nicole, Lexus, Hailey, and Lois. All ended the same way. I should've just listened to Van and ended things sooner.
She doesn't deserve my love and never has. She cheated on me literally 3 months into our relationship and never told me and never would've if I hadn't found out. God. I hate this world.
On the upside I found someone new, someone I've taken more than a liking to and I do hope for better futures with her because I don't know that I could go through this again and come out on the other side. She treats me better than anyone I've been with before even though we aren't even "together". I've never felt more loved and adored than the way she makes me feel. Are we dating? No. Will we? ... I damn sure hope so. Something about her screams reassurance, happiness, and joy.
We hang out every weekend and those hours are truly the highlight of my week... maybe someday that'll be every day in our own home.
It feels real with her.