Dear God, I hvae totally no idea how to solve the questions connected with M... I don't wnat to be in D and don't want M could be there.
It breaks my hard ao strong... I can't help nad afraid to tell anybody details. I am sad cos M wants C. And she sacrifices her P to M... It is awful. Feom my positions. I don't know what to do. And I don't know how ro aonve it...
I was crying today in the morning cos of this. I haven't done it like for so long.
Also I need C. I am afraid to say to anyone about this one... Sure, I can for a while to solve the questions by M. But... It's permanent. I haven't liked the moments from X about he have said yesterday. I don't know what about he thinks. And his commentaries scary me.
I don't know. I was thinking You want X for me. But I understand that communication with him it is the direct reflection of my communication with You so I am ashamed and I don't know nothing. I am so exhausted from everything. I don't know nothing. And feel me so unuseless.... You know my dreams. And wishes. Especially connected with S You. But. I don't do nothing from it correctly. I see how it is bad and I am ashamed. I want to be P, but for now it looks like the total failure and I am not sure that I can do it at least one day normally.
Sometimes I miss this moment with two X... In this special road. Sometimes I prefer just to stay there.
I feel so big pressure connected with M. When she yesterday has said what is going on... I am so sad. I don't want any D. But I don't know what to do. God, I am zero. Feel me. Totally like this.
I am trying, trying, trying. But everything looks so ruined i have zero success and I don't do enough. As I can. And...
I don't know. I feel me so useless...