16. Bhagat Singh and Udham SinghšŸ™šŸ¼

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I watched this movie yesterday, ā€œSardar Udhamā€, on Amazon prime. I actually didnā€™t wanna make this post because it could create unease for certain audiences but I wanted to write about this movie and the book and what it has done to me. 

Firstly the movie, it was filmed so wonderfully. The places and the actors have done justice to their roles. Udham was an unsung hero until this movie happened. He was in the party with Bhagat Singh. I remember learning about the massacre in my middle school history lessons. With the little empathy I knew back then, I mourned for them. Now, Iā€™m so much of an emphatic and guess how much I wouldā€™ve felt the massacre when itā€™s showed so raw on screen. 

I usually shed couple of tears when I watch emotional scenes while watching a movie or a series. But while watching this film, the massacre, I lost it. I wept a little and then the tears kept rolling down my face. I felt numb just like how Udham felt, on seeing the after effect of the massacre. 

I knew only little about Bhagat Singh. He was a revolutionary and was condemned to death. As far as I could remember, his ideology wasnā€™t explained much in the history books and I didnā€™t research much about him. Iā€™m glad I watched this movie and was able to witness some of Bhagat Singhā€™s ideology. And that led me to look up his book/essay on him being an Atheist. 

The book, ā€œWhy I Am an Atheistā€ was an essay he wrote in the prison when his religious friends/ prison mates assumed that the reason for him being an atheist was his vanity. But clearly it was something else. I didnā€™t understand few things but I, a theist, enjoyed reading about his atheism. 

I have seen this book from time to time but never wanted to read it because Iā€™m a theist but I know of Bhagat Singh and respect him. My fellow Indian peeps would know him too. 

I clearly donā€™t have answers for the questions he raised and I cannot explain why Iā€™m a theist. But I respect his ideologies. 

The movie, the memory of the massacre (though I studied about in middle school) is so fresh and shook my soul, and Bhagat Singh, have changed me. What I felt and thought in the past is totally different from what I think and feel at the moment and in future.  

I feel numb to my internal and external circumstances but in a peaceful and matured way. I do have more to write, but I donā€™t think I can stop writing. So here I stop. 

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