Lonely Night

[ENTRY 65..✍️]

I'm at the top of a mountain overlooking the entire city in daze, my scattered thoughts surrounding the nagging feeling of sadness and loneliness in me. I know my period has something to do with this but I've also been here a lot of times before. In the inevitable. You would think I should be used to this by now but it still has an effect on me everytime. I mean, it doesn't hurt but it still makes me sad. It still makes me feel empty.

I wrap my arms around my chest when a cold breeze sweeps past me. I'm so lonely. I wanna be enveloped in someone's embrace and feel safe and secure in their warmth. A lot would probably offer but I don't know that many people. I don't like a lot of people, either. I wanna be embraced by someone familiar. Someone who knows me. Ha. Funny how after all this time, I still seek comfort in the company of someone who's already happy in someone else's arms.

Should I go home tonight? I don't know what to do. I wanna talk to someone but I don't know who to call. I pull my phone out from my coat pocket and stare at my contacts on Telegram. Three names pop to my eyes the brightest.

One's a good friend whom I've occasionally had a crush on. Another who frustrates me right now. And the man who started it all.

I spend a minute or two deciding who to choose. Definitely not Mathieu. I hate him. Nevertheless, I still open our chat and find he was active about thirty minutes ago.

Seeing this reawakens my hostility for him that I tap on Chace and type a "hey", only to find myself unable to send it. My fingers hover over the screen in hesitation, hypothesising the ways of how the conversation would go. I sigh, delete the text and close the app, shoving my phone back in my coat. My eyes take a rest on the sparkling city before me, twinkling and sprinkling magic all over this cold and lonely evening of July. How can someone be so sad in such a beautiful place? I look around and find couples or groups of friends sharing smiles and laughters, while I'm seated here on this bench all by myself. I usually love being alone but this time, I truly crave for a companion.

Someone's... back.

"No, no, no.. You didn't miss me."

"I did. I just did it silently."