[ENTRY 57..✍️]
Dreamt that I went to Germany for an assignment, something about the Nazis and the second coming of Hitler. I was to find out if he was to be resurrected or that if another version of him would emerge.
But then there was a shooting..
It was chaotic. I managed to hide myself under the corpse of a fat man who was shot. I laid on the ground facedown, our backs against each other. How I was able to get underneath the huge man nor carry his weight on top of me, I have no idea.
The girl who welcomed me in the country happened to be just around, also hiding. Then she talked to the shooters. Surprisingly, they were friends so the armed men let us go. She said she was going to take me somewhere safe, to her hometown through some kind of river. It had a distinct name but I forgot what it was. I thought we were going to travel by boat but the river was black and frozen; and it was exactly known for that.
With remarkable ease and familiarity, the girl ice-skated and zigzagged her way through the bizarre body of water with just her regular shoes and I followed. She seemed to be doing this a lot. It was fun.
I couldn't remember most of what happened in her hometown but after that, I was in a busy street and my mom was there. I stood beside a van full of people who were apparently waiting for my "decision". I had to make a choice between going back home or staying in Germany and doing what I wanted.
Now, what I wanted to do in Germany, I have no clue. But in the dream, I apparently did.
I wish I could recall..
Perhaps it had something to do with the political mission I was entrusted with or something else entirely, but whatever it was, it put me in a heavy dilemma and my mom said I should wash my hair with shampoo so I could think clearly.
"Hold on a second, this won't take long," my mom told the driver and the passengers in the van who were starting to grow impatient. "She has to make the right decision," she added, then handed me a bottle of 'Head & Shoulders' shampoo. I legit washed my hair with it right on the spot as if it was a completely normal thing to do in public. After a moment, I felt its menthol coolness working its magic around my head and suddenly, I knew.
I knew what I desired. So I made up my mind no matter how hard it was.
I got in the vehicle, my heart heavy. I was silently crying and missed my mom already.
Analysis: I guess I dreamt of Germany because last night, I was watching a cartoon show where the family of the main characters has a German neighbour who is greatly feared by the kids because everybody's saying he's the brother of Hitler when in actuality, he's just really a sweet, old man. (The setting takes place in the United States, around 1970's.)
And I guess also because.. I've been thinking of being in an arranged marriage.
See, before dad, my mom was supposed to marry a German guy. But her brothers were against it so they married the foreign man off to mom's cousin instead, who was, by the way, also her best friend. Today, that German guy is now my Uncle Warren and I now have beautiful half-German cousins.
Speaking of ..
The youngest one used to really annoy me. We're just the same age but when we were kids, she would always want me to be there when she sang so I would clap for her.
So I would CLAP for her.
The first time this happened, we were guests at their beach house so I was compelled to obey. But I noticed she'd only do this when people were paying more attention to her older sis so I guess there was some kind of sister rivalry going on, or maybe she was just really an attention seeker.
But bruh, bitch really made me her personal audience.
(Lmfao. "Bitch". This also reminds me of when I was ignorant and used to say "itch liebe bitch" and in that spelling, too.)
Anyway, it was our grandma and aunties who told us about the whole history of mom's supposed-to-be-betrothal to Uncle Warren a long time ago but lately, it has me considering whether they could arrange one for me, too ..
It doesn't necessarily have to be with a German as long as it's someone who speaks a foreign tongue aside English. Hehe.
Fuck love. I'm so bored with my life; fixed union with a stranger literally sounds like an adventure to me now.
Should I go for it?
Hmm..
Dilemma.
I guess I should wash my hair with Head & Shoulders.