Dear Diary, good morning sis. I woke up at about 6:50. I had bunch of nightmares. I can recall one of them was my part time job. I forgot the details but I felt very uncomfortable. I have to be there tomorrow. And I have been not replying an email I had to reply. And I’m worrying. This is completely a grave hole dug by myself. My life so far has been always like this. And another thing I remember is somehow my teacher of German class. Also uncomfortable. So I am not sleepy since I opened my eyes.
How can I change myself? I am always thinking about this. But I always not really think HOW.
I tend to think all of these thing is because of my low self esteem. “I can’t believe myself that I can do this” However, is this true? I just ignore everything uncomfy to me. Like what if I tidy up my room as I want to, and keep my room clean, I can prove myself that I can. I am like just waiting for my self esteem fixed by itself. Even my self esteem level is lower than it used to be, it has been low enough to say it’s unhealthy. I need to step out by myself. Have you ever tried hard to say only positive words to yourself?
Think more concretely. Like i used to not scroll instagram feed before I sleep. It’s since Feb 2020. I am fixing this bad habit.