November 21, 2021#80

Dear Diary, I woke up at 8 am. Progress~!! And I finished making an crochet window decor which has five snowflakes. Looking pretty. 

I should keep an eye on my mind because lately it does negative self talk again. Why I can’t believe in myself? Why I believe that I can’t stand strong in the toughness of life that every living person experience? I am a sad person because I can’t show true love to myself. Pampering is not true love. Telling “I can do this, I believe in myself” or something like that… that is true love. I just let myself losing to my fragileness. How can I show true love to myself? I always bully myself instead of dealing real life struggle. I always complain myself and making me feel uncomfortable. How can I be the better self that I can forgive and accept and believe in them? What kind of person is this? Definitely they live in a tidy room. Have constant sleep schedule and have no mental health problem. Be always on time. Energetic and read book a lot. Think about their life by themselves. Happy and reply to messages constantly. Have goals or dreams to achieve. Do I even have close friends? Like… bestfriends Fieber each other kind of friend. I don’t think so. I have lived sad late teenage. Literally suffered from pain. Chronic pain so teachers and doctors thought it’s not true. And now I am already 22 years old. My younger self never expected this future self. I am so sorry.