Dear Diary,
Not much happened. Took a walk thats pretty much it. I usually take the same route. First I go to my old school, because my walks are usually about memories. My old school is being renovated, almost reconstructed from the ground up. They are keeping the ceilings and pillars but doing all the walls new. It basically looks like an empty shell. Great symbolism for how I remember my past. I forgot to make a photo today, but I included one from 2 weeks ago. Not much has changed. They covered all the holes with grey plastic sheets.
The students have their lessons in containers that are standing all around the school. Some of them were already there when I went there. I never liked having lessons there. It smelled like new plastic in there. Glad I'm not there in these times. What I find really ironic is that they built a huge new gym there not too long ago, even though the school already had a large one and there is another one nearby. No we have 3. If they had built a new schoolbuilding they wouldnt have to use all these containers. But gyms are prestige projects for the local politicians. They can claim the are doing something for sports and healthy children.
Next I go through the city and then I usually visit one of the houses from a girl from my past. None of them live there anymore of course. Its not like I'm stalking them. Ps house is a bit far away in another part of town so I rarely go there. I only found out that she lived there after the fact. A friend of mine from school lived just around the corner so I was there quite often. My dad also lives nearby there now, in the old house of my aunt. She lived in a really nice street with old houses. Perfect for a girl like her I think. Her house is pretty unremarkable though.
Since P lived so far away I usually go to the house of a girl I was actually friends with. I was only inside there a few times. I think I mentioned her before. She was the girl that was bullied for a while. She lived uphill near the forest. One time I was there on halloween with another girl. She put halloween makeup on me and then we went trick or treating. Its not as popular here as in the US but some children still do it. When we came back she suddenly undressed before me and the other girl. The girl said "Hey there is a boy here" and she said "TitusAlone is no boy!" and proceeded to undress. I pretended to look away but I caught some good glimpses of her boobs. I still cherish that moment to this day, which might be pathetic. But it was really nice of her to do that. Maybe she got some exhibitionist kick out of it too. This is exactly the type of stuff I should have done more often back then. Just try to hang oit with girls and let stuff like that happen. But when I turned into a teen I got easily embarassed by girl and couldnt follow my actual wishes. I regret all this stuff so much.
Well I go by her house quite often. I feel like it will somehow give me good look, like that moment from back then, that good will of hers will help me today.
After that I sometimes go into the forest. But no today. On weekends the forest is infested with families going on walks. The treeborder is full with their big family cars. You cant go two steps without meeting one. Going into the forest should be a lonely experience in my opinion, so I only go there on the weekdays, when I only meet cute dogs and the occasional old couple. I still sat on a bench for a while there today and looked as gloomy as possible to show them what the forest should be about. The forest belongs to weird lonely people like me! I guess it can be fun for the kids though.
Other than that I wrote an E-Mail to the prof where I say that next week I wont do the tutorial. Last week she didnt do the lecture and I dont know what I should be talking about. There are no texts for next week either. I hope she is ok with that and doesnt accuse me of being lazy.
I also watched some stuff. Yesterday I watched Rashomon for the Kurosawa course. Interesting movie for sure. And I watched Alien 9. Quite a weird OVA. 6th grade school girls fighting aliens and some gruesome things happen. Reminded me a lot of Madoka Magica. I liked it, quite unpredictable. And today I started Mysterious Citys of Gold, a childrens anime from the 80s. Most people who review this one are nostalgic for it. But so far I like it without nostalgia. I always liked storys about exploring South America. I am intrigued how this one will depict colonialism, probably not that great given the time. The music is super trippy and cool though.
Nice day everyone
Edit: I just found a new picture of P on the web. Its from September 2020, from a dance workshop she did that made a public performance. There is only only one photo and she is the focus of it. From over 20 people participating its her picture. Why? Is this fate, coincidence or did she somehow do this on purpose?...... I know its not good to dwell on the past this much. But she looks good and happy, I'm glad.