Dear Diary,
I've been feeling lonely lately, so I decided I wanted to go into the dating game once again. The route I took wasn't so different from the ones I've taken before.
But I became patient, and then I met a guy who was three years younger than me. It was so random, I thought I could give it a shot and gave him my number. I didn't realize he would hit me up the next morning, I kept laughing to myself thinking "god, what a simp" 😂.
No hate but he literally was. Much more younger, much more inexperienced, and a baby to his mother. I thought I'd get on the ride for the fun only but I soon realized we had a lot of things in common. A lot of things that were weirdly so similar.
I liked him, probably a lot earlier than I should have, bc he didn't like me back. All the signals were wrong the first time around, why hadn't I followed them initially?
We had a call a few minutes after confessing, and God it was such a nice feeling. It felt so light-hearted talking to him, I wasn't nervous at all. I hope to get to know him more, but it seems as if he's not hitting me up today.
I had an incredible time with him, hope he did too. I believe we ended up as good friends.
But I realized a lot about myself and about me dating. Dating is painful to me- not about the mutual feeling disaster, but more on I feel like I have to be needed to feel like I'm worthy. I noticed the pattern that whenever I would meet someone new I always measure myself to a point as if I'm not enough. I don't feel bad when I'm single, in fact, this just happens on times when I know for a fact that I'm getting attached to someone. I can't quite figure out why that is.
Maybe it was a good idea not dating at all. Maybe this was a mistake.