Dear Diary,
A day or two ago Lois told me that her mom Lisa would reconsider letting me and Lois date if I apologized to her for sneaking around with her when we wasn't supposed to be seeing each other.
Although it would be a bit nerve wracking, I had every intention on doing so.
As soon as Lois got rid of Mac I'd gladly start dating again but unfortunately that seems like it'll never happen this year.
Friday night Lois informed me that her mom had changed her mind about it and said that although Mac is annoying and "blah blah" at least he has a direction (after high school). Lois told Lisa that her and Mac broke up a month ago so Lisa start texting Mac's mom and apparently both mom's agreed its unacceptable for them to break up and they need to work out their differences?
Like seriously? They're literally insane. They're like medieval rulers forcing their children into marriages.
Tonight before she went to bed Lois told me that her mom had invited Mac to with them to a faire they go to every year. At this point from the looks of it, or from at least what Lois claims- her mom is trying to force this on Lois.
At the same time it also doesn't make sense.
There has to be some lack of communication, if Lois really didn't want this to happen
I'd assume telling Mac that she doesn't want him would be the go-to solution, that she doesn't wanna go out with him and doesn't want him going on the trip with them.
Regardless of how hard her mom tries- Lois has more control between her and Mac.
She has more influence on how things turn out. Its not that hard to stop someone from being interested. If you give them a hard enough time, and truly make it known that you aren't interested then they won't stick around.
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Lois has been a bit more lovey-dovey with me lately. It feels nice and gives me more hope for our future but this recent event worries me. She said tonight that she is unofficially my girlfriend and although she feels that way now- I fear that once Mac gets her to warm back up to him- she will indefinitely once again choose him over me while I (by choice of course) sit on the side lines and wait to take over in 9 months.
She said she's just gonna go back to waiting "like before" since her mom changed her mind about letting us date but the first thing that popped in my head was "but you didn't wait before" because she didn't. She was wanting Mac before me, during me, after me, and then she got him when she broke up with me.
I'd love to call her my girlfriend, I still often do when I talk about her with my buds and I guess now we're "unofficially" together because she's self claimed the title of my "unofficial" girlfriend and I'm okay with that, in fact I like it but I'm scared to put hope into that title and then later get let down because she's into Mac.
No matter how bad she talks me to me about him, I know they got close, she got casual with things with him much faster than she did with me. They skipped steps in their relationship and because of that- it'll be so easy for her to just slip back into that relationship because she's already comfortable with him to that point.
At least that's what I think anyways. I don't know the whole truth and I don't question much about them in relation to eachother because it just makes me wanna die thinking about it and Lois said she wants me alive so I gotta at least try to stick around on earth.
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Lois told me a few days ago that her mom's cancer might've returned.
I thought about that a lot, I thought about it in the past when she actually did have cancer, and I think about it when her mom gets in our way... but every time something happens to her, the first thing I think about is how it benefits our relationship.
Things like: "If she were to have cancer again and she dies... who's in our way now?";
If she broke a breaks her wrists- how can she hover over our texts anymore?
If anything happens, my first thought is always me and Lois. I don't know if that's selfish or not. I don't know her mom and it'd be a lie to say I cared but the point is... that's my girlfriends mom and the only thing I thought when she told me her mom might've had cancer again was "well if she dies, she can't stop us anymore".
I care because it would hurt Lois, not because of the death itself.
I care that she'd be sad, that she no longer has a mom, and nobody to lean on for those specific things that a daughter does on a mom.
I don't know Lisa, I don't care for her but I wish I did.
I don't know if its just because I'm me or because the situation but I legitimately wouldn't feel remorse. All I've known her as is the abuser ,mother of my gf, and the person in my way.
I don't wanna feel this way :(
I try not to but I can't.