Dear Diary,
Today in school I witnessed an interaction between her and another guy. He was talking about how he couldn't commit to a topic on his speech so she said "do you have commitment issues?" in a joking manner. He responded by turning it around on her as a "roast(ed)" saying "no but I know someone that does" referring to her.
She asked who, probably thinking she couldn't have been the one he meant. He followed with "her" and explained that she is dating Mac but "rubbing" up on me all year. She denied it ofc.
Is he wrong though? Does she not have commitment issues? Has she not been rubbing up on me all year?
I don't know if she was just lying to him or actually believes it herself.
She lies to everyone abt us, she makes the entire school or at least makes an effort to make them all think that we aren't more than friends. But it's so obvious, everyone knows there's something between us and everyone knows that she never took her attention off me even though she dated Mac. People aren't blind and it's pretty obvious she hasn't been able to commit to either me or Mac so although it wasn't cool for that kid to call her out like that, he wasn't wrong and it also kinda just made something stand out to me, something I ignore.
It honestly put me in a rough mood witnessing that conversation.
I ignore some things to avoid the feeling that comes with them so when something like the fact that she is with someone else, the fact that she had been crushing on him for "4 years" while we dated, and the fact that she cried when he apparently had a crush on someone even back in august gets rubbed in my face... it hurts. Alot.
I know what I need to do to get through this year but I struggle with it. If I just minded my own business and kept to myself for the duration till I can be with her then I might be fine but I literally can't stop thinking about her and a time like now- when she's with someone I think about her with him instead of just her.
She asks me all the time if I'm okay and as much as I want to say "no, I'm not" I just don't because I don't wanna talk about everything I just wrote.