October 28, 2021
Dear Diary,
Five months ago, my ex boyfriend ghosted and dumped me via youtube. I know, I wasn't even enough for a proper phone call. Sometimes, we put so much into a relationship and get nothing out of it, unless I'm not sure what this relationship has taught me yet. I was so broken and empty for three months out of the five. I had to focus on moving forward and not let this breakup mentally ruin me again. I was in love and kept thinking how scary it would be to start over. For five years, he'd leave and come back every five to six months and because I was blindly in love, I'd let him in again. A never ending cycle that I was sure I wouldn't break, until September 2021, I met someone. Someone who I didn't think would stay in my life after a week. He was aware of my recent break up, he was aware I wasn't looking to date, but somehow he still swept me off my feet.
So I gave him a chance, knowing that I wasn't completely over my ex, he accepted that and all my imperfections. He has so much patience with me to learn and grow together as one. I still feel like I shouldn't have put him the position to work twice as hard for love and support. So I overthought it and did the worst action possible, I tried to leave. He knew I was scared, he understood, but it still hurt him. A few weeks later I wake up to an 'I love you' text and then he called. I was shocked. For the first time in my life, I wasn't the one to express my feelings first and wonder if they felt the same way. He told me he loved me during the phone call and I remember feeling butterflies in my stomach, but I still wasn't sure what it meant or how exactly I felt. All I knew was, that it made my soul happy.