The Leading Man

Now, there's just one little problem with Richard Madden. Although he looks more like the leading man in my book when it comes to facial features and structure, the thing is, he doesn't speak French.

I just finished reading "Little Women" yesterday and upon my disappointment with how things turned out, I ran down the stairs to my older sister's room to express my reprehension for it. It's because of her I knew of the book in the first place. She was bananas about it last year and gushed over this boy whose name seemed quite familiar to me: Timothée Chalamet. As she was reading the book, she learned that he's the guy who plays Laurie in the new film adaptation of the classic novel and with this, she became even more in love with the character because the handsome actor is an absolute embodiment of the young Laurence (Laurie). I discovered him not too long before my sister did, stumbling into a French interview of him on YouTube. He was cute but I didn't really care. Not until my sister started fawning over him and showing me pictures of him from the film, which eventually led to videos, and then even more videos—either interviews or movie clips he's a part of. So by-and-by, he became so attractive in my eyes that I finally thought of replacing Richard Madden as the star in my movie. Besides, it's only fitting.

The male protagonist in my book is specifically French, tall, has brown eyes, and dark curly hair—all of which are in the possession of Timothée Chalamet. (OK, all except the eyes. He's got green but that could be easily fixed with contacts or just letting it stay as is.) Originally, I made the character somewhat muscular in adjustment for Richard's physique, but Timmy's lanky build would make it more realistic because the real guy whom I was basing the character from was skinny, too. So Timothée would truly be the perfect actor for the role.

Lmao. Look at me making plans in my fantasies as if I'd actually be able to decide the casting myself. Sweet fancies.. Sweet fancies, indeed.

Anyway, I got attached to Laurie's character so much that Timothée has become ten folds more good-looking to me now. I haven't seen the movie yet but I've watched a few bits. I saw the one where [spoiler alert] he tried to propose to Jo and she rejected him. Ugh. Their acting is so brilliantly heartbreaking. And Saoirse Ronan (Jo) is so beautiful. I literally watched the clip more than five times and am so upset they didn't end up together. Although I already knew they wouldn't because of my fucking blabbermouth of a sister, it still sank my spirits. At first, I shipped him with Meg (Emma Watson) because I already knew he's more fond of Jo and I dunno, for some reason I just like shipping the impossible ones. But then Meg got married so then I started rooting for Jo. But then Jo rejected him. Grr. I still can't get over it. They just seem so good together! Like, they mortally fucking belong to each other. The chemistry, the banters, the playful teasing..

"That's what they say 'soulmates but never lovers'.." older sis said after showing me a fanvideo of Jo and Laurie with Taylor Swift's song "Exile".

[When Laurie and Amy, who just got married, came back home from Europe and Jo had to face them. God. Almost tore me up.]

Soulmates but never lovers. That line hit me so bad.. And not only did I hear the plaintiveness in my sister's voice nor the moroseness the words bring in itself, but it also made me think of someone who made me consider believing in soulmates in the first place. The very person who brought inspiration to my novel attempt. The reference of my male lead. The tall, smart, handsome, and charming curly-haired French guy I fell in love with.

Funny how things seem to all go back to him..

Maybe that's why I shipped Laurie with Meg in the first place because the Frenchman's biggest celebrity crush is Emma Watson. And Laurie, having almost the same physical attributes with the French guy himself, pretty much reminds me of the latter. So... uhm. Yeah.. I guess in a way, I was shipping the guy that I like to his crush.. What is wrong with me. Maybe because I love Emma Watson, too.

I remember the first days we started talking and he told me Hermione was his biggest crush, and then in my best Hermione impersonation, I confidently went all: "I'm Hermione Granger. And you are?" 

It amused him so much and he got so excited that it was the first time he sent me this "😍". And not just one, I'm telling you, but three. THREE. I thought he wasn't the kind who'd use such emojis because he seemed so old-fashioned. Lmao. He's so weird. It was nearing his birthday and he literally told me how he should be mindful about his texts now. That because he was going to be older, he shouldn't use emojis anymore and instead, use the classic emoticons to seem more mature and wise. Because apparently, with emojis, you make yourself look goofy and he was supposed to be a "serious" man.

Him: "So if you smile, you just use this :)"

Me: "What if you're smiling a lot. Can I use this :))))))"

Him: "No, that looks so weird."

Me: "How about this ლ(´ ❥ `ლ)"

Him: "No, WTF. Hahahaha.That's even worse."

Me: "(づ￣ ³￣)づ"

Me: "But what if I'm crying :'("

Him: "Okay, that one is fine."

"Little Women" has a happy ending but I don't like it at all. I know it's so subjective of me but it's just so sad to think about all the could haves and what ifs. What if Jo and Laurie tried to make it happen? What if they made it work? What if they just gave themselves a chance? What they had was far too special to let go of that I refuse to believe that Laurie truly is in love with Amy and has forgotten his feelings for Jo. I think the main reason he even married the younger sister at all is because he felt the need to settle down and there was no other option better than his first love.

I hate time and what it does to people. It's just so sad to think about all the fun and good times you had when you were younger, the love you felt, the feelings you once thought would last forever, the future you dreamt of you were certain would come true.. And then you look at where you are now and everything's so different. Everything's so far away. The happiest moments in your youth and long lost dreams are now but a distant memory. And though the recollection of it puts a smile on your face, a tinge of painful longing and sorrow still betrays the glow in your eyes and the mirth on your lips.

Why are happiest memories the saddest?