October 14, 2021 #40


Dear Diary, my mind still is not affected but I have a bad news. 

I supposed to have a job offer at least till next March. I should have one already, before the last summer. But I still have none. 

My doctor asked me if i think i can work full time. i am not sure. but this society hadn’t made for everyone, so that I need to find my first full time job to begin all career ahead of me. If I fail at the start point, the society won’t let me live peacefully through all of my future life. 

My mom advised me that I can ask my bosses of current part time workplace to keep me as a part time worker. She thought it works. She even thought there were a chance that they offer me internship. I didn’t think so but  I also believed they would keep me if I explain my situation and ask them to keep me. 

Today, my bosses and I had a talk about my contract, however, I had no chance to ask them to keep me as a part time worker. And it seemed no chance they keep me. My contract will be end next March. 

So… I have no way other than search for jobs and get ready for interview to live in this society. Hmmmmmmmm 

I still struggle with my self esteem a lot. I have no idea what would I answer if I was asked what is advantages of hiring me or for what kind of activity i took initiative and why. 

I really can’t recall. I remembered what I have done, but I don’t really remember the reason why i have done. How was I feeling when I took part of each activity I have done. 

I’m in big trouble. I have just ignored it. 

Gee Tomorrow isn’t Saturday… Okay I got this. 

I might write later again.