To be honest I don't know how to update my life. So far I feel like I'm floating and I don't know how to explain it to anyone I feel so different from my friends or random people I know from work. I don't relate to the good things they have like their family all of them have support from their own parent meanwhile I have none. My parents are floating as I say. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born at least not from them my life would've been way better. If I had "regular" parents then I wouldn't have to worry about the basic necessities in life like a roof over my head or having or worrying about if I bothering people I'm living with. I don't really have the money or luxury to live on my own I wish I could though so I don't have to bother people with the basic necessities. I don feel as strong as people tell me I am I feel like I'm floating and all I want to do is swim. If I was born again I wish I had a great family and that I was grateful and loving towards them. I would be happy and I wouldn't have to worry about if I'm bothering people or taking advantage of anyone. I wish I could be happy I don't remember the last time I could breathe. I wish I could find what I'm meant to do and just go for it. Sometimes I look at other peoples life and I get jealous like when they talk about supportive parents and how they have a loving and caring relationship .I wish they could just come over and tell me everything is alright and I could stay with them and know that I'm okay and that I don't have to worry about anything. I wish I could control my life and not just go with the flow.(side note) there are so many mean people on this earth even though I know I haven't been through the worst I feel like I've experienced the worst kind or side of people. With all the love and care I have for people its never enough and they leave or leave me .Like I'm a piece of meat , like I have no feelings , like I was only there to please them. I wish I didn't love them because I wouldn't care so I can love someone that would be my family , the family I've always wanted.<3