Dear Diary,I skipped taking bath yesterday but not today.
I met a friend of mine during my sad daily walk. that was funny that she said she made a story post on her social media smash-typing how she wants me to have a happy life and she wants avoid all bad ‘boyfriends’.
Actually i couldn’t imagine she had an interest towards romantic things. When we were in elementary school, she hated cute and girly stuffs. And unfortunately I am 75% aromantic and also not interested in having sex with someone.
So, she didn’t really need to worry about me. I’m probably too innocent to live in this society but my heart is not gonna be broken by ‘netflix and chill?’ things. Don’t know if it’s an advantage or not because love or romance is something very beatles/etta james things. I’m sad as a big fun of their songs.
She’s one and only my friend from before being teenager. wow i realized the fact just now.
I mean… I was so depressed these days. but i feel something like basic human emotions are heading to me little by little.
The unavailableness that annoys me several times and some of lighter ones per year is getting more annoying as i growing up. it was two weeks till it goes these couple of years, (at least good to know that i would be okay in two weeks. it’s called the hope.) but since last year, it became more serious and requires month or more.
This time, i was really losing my hope and felt like i might be gone. i was clogged in a corner of my body and couldn’t make what i want to say into voices. couldn’t move my body. I forgot how to smile or feel joy long time ago... but i almost could imagine how it’s like to feel joy and happy excitement just after my bath time. so i could reply to my friend who kept giving me concern messages like once a week. I can’t say thank you enough.
Also my mom told me that i can take my time. my mom used to be annoyed by me being depressed and hated mental health doctors because of her experience. but she’s so supportive. i saw her crying after i explained my problem. She is very strong woman and i can’t be blessed more to have her as my mom.