FUCK LIFE RIGHT NOW, SERIOUSLY

8
Comments

Dear Diary,                       


Fuck emotional pain.  Fuck the mess I am.  

I'm exhausted from just being me.  The only peace I'll know is death and that's so tremendously sad to me. Why can't happiness be in my deck of cards? A life of feeling empty and never loved enough is worse than a death sentence.  It's an agonizing pain that rips away at you. Physically,  mentally,  emotionally,  it ruins every part of you until you're choking on misery and feeling hopeless.  


Fuuuuuuuck. I just want to crawl out of my own skin.  Be someone with a normal brain... a healthy brain.  Imagine how great that would be? Even for just a day..  a person without trauma... a person without BPD or anxiety or depression.... just a real WHOLE person. I often daydream about what that feels like.  Happiness is a luxury that's always right out of reach for me.  Feeling true love is just past my fingertips. 


This life is so hard.  So hurtful. But giving up is even harder so I just push thru it all.  Living each day in a slow hell.  Drowning in mental health while everyone on the outside thinks I'm so funny and outgoing and such a people person.  


If only they knew.....

They wouldn't believe it anyways

J
Jenn ✌🏼✓
Sep 12, 2021 · 43 views

Comments (8)

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J
Jenn ✌🏼Sep 15, 2021

@firehair... I think we're all a little bit of a "mess" in different ways. I wish everything could just be okay too. Hang in there though! It might be a Rollercoaster but at least we're here!

J
Jenn ✌🏼Sep 15, 2021

@anonymous... sometimes dying just sounds so peaceful. When my mental health is really low everything feels painful & chaotic. Death seems almost beautiful. But of course its the far opposite of that. It would be me killing my grandmothers soul and missing out on watching my kids grow up and loving on future grandkids. Even in the shittiest of times there always something to hold on to. Something beautiful, something special... like all the future accomplishments of my kids. Seeing their smiles, seeing who they become in the world. For that alone, I remain

J
Jenn ✌🏼Sep 15, 2021

@J10262 life sure does have many habits that aren't the best lol. Sorry you feel the same battles as me, it's draining! But here we are still trudging along so I'm proud of us both! 😉

S
Sk_sssSep 15, 2021

I'm grateful

S
Sk_sssSep 15, 2021

Thanks dear..

A
AnonymousSep 12, 2021

i feel the same way, but dying wouldn't bring satisfaction, it would just end pain. then after ending the pain whats next?i dont wanna go to hell lol while all my loved ones go to heaven...just take it easy

J
J10262Sep 12, 2021

I had to respond to you message. Life has a habit of changing situations and often no one believes the way we are feeling. I share the way you feel having tried to battle depression and failure all my lufe Remember you are worth far more than you think even though you cant see it. Do not put your trust in people they will only let you down. So believe in yourself. You can do it im telling you.

S
Sk_sssSep 12, 2021

I feel a mess too.. Why can't everything just be okay

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"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength."

— Criss Jami