Dear Diary,

i'm about to land something unfamilliar next week. I can't get myself to calm down or even take a nap, I don't think I can sleep.

I've been up all night yesterday looking for internships and applying for jobs. 

This offer was so sudden, and right now I look at my gallery and see myself. I question if this girl is ready for something huge. I tried lying down just now on the couch and I hear something in my head saying, "all your sacrifices will be brought back to you".

I am very unsure, i feel uneasy, yet desperate at the same time. I wanted to cry out but tears won't drop. I know I want a lot of things in my life. Some I need and some I know I deserve. I have doubts on whether or not I can still challenge myself. I just heard a statement yesterday from my mother, the way she described an uncle of mine, a "jack of all trades, but a master of none". I think that's me. I think I know a lot but I don't. I think I can do things even though I can't, and reflecting on it now, I think it's very narcissistic of me to be choosy in job applications and reminiscing on the fact that I quit my job in a difficult time. 

I failed.