Dear Maya,
I have come to several realisations.
1. I am truly happy with the work I never wanted. I work in a factory from 5 till 2 in de morning. Yet I find myself at peace with my career because I have tons of afternoon time for myself now.
2. I finally reached my ideal life outside of work.
-I eat healthier.
-I have a weekplanning to bow for.
-I go to sleep every evening at 8 so that I get a full 8 hours of sleep.
-I have 2 friendgroups with a total of 12 friends.
-I have accepted my bodytype and can look into a mirror and feel proud.
-I am writing a book and I have 3 more in mind.
-I have found my drawingstyle.
-I started drivinglessons yesterday and registered myself for a house.
3. I have realised that the best way to stop an argument is to stay calm and say sorry for the things I did. This is the only thing that will result in a happy ending most of the time.
4. I have realised that I don't have to be ashamed of who I am or what my passions are. I am not looking for a partner and I have enough friends and an amazing reputation, so why should I? People who judge me on my person don't matter in my life because I am nice enough and the are shallow if they judge.
I am truly happy despite the performance anxiety. Do you know how good that feels? I am finally where I need to be.
Speak to you later,
Reader91