Dear Diary,
Sigh... Things didn't work out how I planned them to.
My gf and I have been keeping our relationship a secret and finding ways to text even when her phone has been permanently taken.
We've been doing this since July 14th which was also her birthday after she lied
to her mom the day before to get her to stop pestering to break up with me.
We planned to keep the relationship secret till she moves in with me and lives with my family next year. However her mom has been super suspicious about us recently. She thinks we're still together or suspects it and often threatens to lock her in the house thus ruining her life if she finds out we're together.
We have been planning to hookup at her school during her band camp lunch break which is 1.5 hours long. For the last few days we've been excited for it but today her dad said he'll take her for lunch instead. She said she'll try to convince him otherwise which will probably make her mom suspicious of her if she hears the conversation.
Even if she can convince him otherwise, I still have my worries. The day she got her phone taken was the same day she told her we broke up. I was out getting fast food, we were texting and I jokily brought up the idea of sneaking by for a quick hug and kiss because we hadn't seen each other in so long. She got her bike, I guess for cover to make it seem like she was just going for a ride and she met me at the end of her road.
Little did we know her mom told her dad to follow her and he caught her in my car with us kissing.
I feel like that's going to happen during this meet up even if she convinces him not to go and say she'll just pack her own lunch. I have a feeling her mom told him to take her out for lunch just incase we had planned to meet up. If my gf thinks she convinced him not to, we'll take the risk and meet up but I'm worried he'll show up anyways under her moms command to see if anything suspicious is going on (which it will bc we'll be hooking up in the backseat of my car).
If he catches us her life will be over. No friends, no sports, no public school, no visiting family. Everything she gets any happiness from will be ripped from her and if we're caught in the act of well... hooking up- her mom said she'll kick her out if she finds out she isn't a virgin.
That being said what I meant by "things didn't go the way I planned"... I let her make the choice because its her risk and we're planning to break up after tomorrow because she slips up a lot, and there's just too much at stake if we're caught dating.
I tried to keep my act together and maintain the decision to let her decide on her own
but last night I broke and while we were texting I asked "can we just not break up and just stop talking till school starts back up". She responded with "Idk baby" and I feel so bad because by doing that I'm making her feel guilty if she chooses to break up.
We've always said we'll wait for eachother and then she can move in with me next year but I fear breaking up so much because I worry if we break this time- we'll never get back together because she found someone else. We mutually promised to never take off our promise rings unless we break our loyalty to eachother. It gives us someone to look forward to seeing everyday in school to know we're both staying loyal. I dread the idea of going into class and seeing the ring off her finger, it'll mean she's moved on and I won't be able to take that pain.
Sigh.. universe why do you hate me.