Dear Diary,
I feel anxiety today, I have a lot of hatred inside me since a long time.
I know it's of no use to actually go and say all those things to him. But I need to let it out. So here it goes,
"I hope you get your karma, I hope you you get what you deserve, you gave me mental trauma, I never forced or pushed you for anything, then why did you keep lying to me that you like me. Why during a pandemic, for someone who already had been through so much in last 2years, you had to add to my misery. You should have atleast tried or should have just said no, but you kept giving excuses for your behaviour and never tried to improve on them. And they never ended. I was naive to actually be patient and kept waiting for your excuses to end someday. I have lost all interest in relationships, which used to be the topmost thing that I wanted in life. I don't think I will ever feel anything for anyone in my life again. I am done with it. Thinking of being in relationships makes me feel equivalent to screwing my life.
You made me wait for a whole year, and then didn't even come to meet me when we were in the same city. Dating you cost me a lot monetarily also, You said yes, when I asked you let's come in relationship, and then also there was no effort from your end. After that I got mental trauma, I was not able to study, I broke my phone out of frustration. I lost 50k. And let me tell you I never even threw away a piece of cloth in anger in my life before. That's how toxic you were. I thought I don't deserve to be treated well because I am not good enough.
I didn't even need to wait so much for you, I get many proposals, and from nice guys who are good looking and successful. You also knew no other girl in my position would have waited this much for someone who doesn't give me time and effort. Who was struggling first for job, till then, I never said anything, but after that there were more excuses. If I had done this much for any other guy, they would never have disappointed me like that. It's one thing if it doesn't work out, it's other if someone gives you nightmares.
When you told about your financial situation, I was ok with that too, if we married someday, I wouldn't have stopped you from spending major part of your salary on your parents. Monetary things never really mattered to me, and I earn myself so it was ok by me. I wanted to tell you all this face to face when we met, but you never did. You didn't even tell me that you are not coming on the day we planned to meet. You judged me beforehand only. You always assumed things about me.
You are one of the worst kind of humans, you knew I was raped and still instead of treating me like a decent human you did all these things. You deserve everything bad in life"