Dear Diary, I did a little bit of work in the first half of the day, now I'm just relaxing. It rained for a few hours and then stopped. I love the smell of grass after the rain, reminds me of simple pleasures in life that are often unnoticed, unappreciated.
My mind wonders into the past often, almost effortlessly. I know there is nothing wrong with being nostalgic, but I tend to get carried away when that happens and instead of enjoying good simple things in the present, I don't even notice them. I need to work on this.
My decisions in the past have brought me to where I am. The past will always be part of me, a familiar territory, but I need to remember my decisions in the present will determine where I will be in this journey. I need to ground myself in the present and resist the urge to wonder into the past all the time, otherwise the past will dictate my present and future, I will be going around in circles.
A particular friend shared strikingly similar life experiences with mine. Looking at her now, it's hard to believe she went through some of the same things I did. I don't know how I managed to sit still and listen the whole time she was telling the stories. Not a single word came out of my mouth that suggested I have similar experiences, and yet I had no intention to hide it. Maybe because - clearly - she came out of it in much better shape than I did, so there really is nothing much to say. She is also younger than I, so I guess I am kind of ashamed of myself and sad because I am progressing slower than she is. The only difference I can think of is that she had and still have, the support of protective caring people around her, while I rarely encountered such people in my life and only lately there seem to be a lot of them around me. Some things we can't do alone. Also true each person's journey is unique, some experiences may be similar, but not all. So I don't think comparing my progress with hers is going to do me any good, and I like doing things at my own pace, what I'm comfortable with.