July 01, 2021

 

Dear Diary,


Today has been a lot. I guess everything hit me all at once. I want so bad to start my own business and be successful but the fear of failure is paralyzing. I did my budget today and I’m struggling. I’m able to pay my bills every month thankfully, but I want more than to just getting by. I can barely afford my medication and my life is hell when I don’t have them. Sigh! Yes I just typed sigh lol. It’s great that I can still kind of laugh through all of this. 

Aside from my financial struggles, I really miss being with someone romantically. The last guy I was dating was perfect on paper, but boring. Essentially he didn’t want to be serious even though he agreed we can date. Men! 🙄 Thing is I just liked being around him. I miss being held by him. 

My head is just all over the place today. The frustrating part is I’ve done such a good job of masking all the pain I’m going through, that even though I have amazing supportive friends, I know I could never fully express how I feel to them. So I’m forced to keep everything bottled up. 

I wanna scream!

Sometimes it feels like I’m going crazy and I should be put in an insane asylum. 

Also I miss my ex lol. Probably not because he was a good partner, but because i felt wanted. I haven’t felt that sincerely in a long time. 



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