Dear Maya,
I should be sleeping but I have come to a realization. I red a question a few days ago. It was a would you rather. Would you rather go back to being 10 years old with all the knowledge you have now or be 40 with a million on your bankaccount. I clicked on the 10 year old option.
The thing is, the more I think about it the more I realize I needed all the misfortune in my life. If I hadn't failed my classes in junior high I would've never met my best friend because she was in the year before me. If I hadn't met her, I would've never met my friendgroup from the club. If I hadn't been bullied, I never would've discovered my autism and I never would've learned how to be social. That thought scares me. All the failure in my life had to be exactly the way it was. Every choice and detail let me to be happy right now. Even if I wish I had done better in school or if I could've made an impact on the bullying with the social skills I have now. I had to be worse to get better. It comforts and scares me at the same time. On one hand, there is a reason for my pain, on the other, even if I could turn back time, I would want to end up exactly the way I did now.
That was my weekly existential crisis. Have a whole basin of raw cookiedough and bathe in it.
Goodnight,
-- Reader91