June 09, 2021

Where exactly did you come from? And why have you come for me? I don’t quite remember when you first introduced yourself... However, you and I have come to be quite acquainted. 

In my head there is a version of me who is fearless, spontaneous, adventurous, charismatic and yet humble. A me who knows what she wants and is unafraid to go for it. Even if that means losing some people along the way. A me who could be fully alone and be okay or could be In love and yet not consumed. Then there’s meee...The me who is timid and afraid, a me who is humbly unconfident. The me who wants to just get up and try something completely new. Maybe, a little unorthodox but who’s concerned. Me who can’t be in love because she’ll lose herself in wanting to be wanted. Ugh 🙄 I HATE THAT!!! Why can’t break through the false identity, of what people have made me believe of myself. Be the person I really want to be. Darn you insecurity!!! I feel that I am a tree, and the words people have spoken to me are my food. He said no one would want you. Now You’ll make them want you! Kill yourself into perfection. You did something for you and they left. So stand still in one place, so no one has a reason to leave. You were full of life and Adventure and they ate you up and spit you out. Now I am afraid. You were confident and they called you cocky. So now you’re insecure but you disguise it in humility. If I am a tree,

 how do I even know who I am, if their words are what has nurtured me? Well I’m getting pretty damn tired, of feeling so small where I’ve been planted. So I’m picking up my tree, and we’re going to find some new water. Chicago, sounds nice.