Dear Diary,
The reason why I have always wanted to move out is because I can't deal with noise. I usually am a fun person when I'm with people who I genuinely bond with, but the noise in here is too much. I would normally choose to put myself out of the situation but I don't enjoy it when people tell me what I should do. I'm not quite sure if it's just a "me" problem or what. In any case, when people do attempt telling me what they'd rather do in my place, I would always come to the conclusion that they don't understand my situation fully, or I can see the good intention, but that's not what I would do-- and so in the end I would always take what they say into consideration- but that's not what I'd do.
Analyzing this, I have also found people who are full of shit. The hypocrites and the ones who think they know it all. Especially the older ones. At one instance I've cut off one of my grandmothers from my mother's side when I was a lot younger then. I was very sure of who I was back then and a part of me thought it was very rude to be cutting off someone who almost raised me, but I just knew it wasn't working anymore. My biological mother was raising me in a different and quite more of a free environment, while that type of grandmother was otherwise, everything had to be proper and stuff. I just knew it wasn't making me grow as I felt so restricted. It was all too much of a show for me to be pretending all pretty and stuff when I wasn't-- it all became too much I had to stop it.
A lot of my uncles and aunts have encountered butting heads with me, while I know people may say "nah you think it's cool to be disrespectful", but I don't. I actually am a very polite person to people- if anything I will always be confronting people for a reason, always. Currently I have an uncle who thinks he knows it all, and I get it, he didn't graduate college yet it's such a provilege to be able to raise your children, have your own house, and all of that. I just don't get why he has to be so proud of it. Sure, maybe he earned it and I am not discrediting all of his hardships to get there. But why does he have to be so loud about it? Who is he really trying to please? What is he so insecure about? People in here shout a lot, and I think that reflects massively.
I don't get it.
I want to tell the world how much it would mean to me to be given a different space to grow into. In that same instance I hope my mother won't take it too personal when I say I want to be living alone. All this noise is too much.